


Blinded By The Lights

by Waistcoat35



Category: The Greatest Showman (Movies), The Greatest Showman - Fandom
Genre: Barnum is S O. D O N E., Because he just wants to be USEFUL, But he won't have one, F/M, Feels, Fix-It, Fluff, Gen, He needs a goddamn break, Hurt/Comfort, I'll go now, I'm mad at him and I'm the one who wrote this, I'm sorry Charity's hardly in this I'll try to include her more next time I swear, Insecurity, Lettie is awesome and I love her, Philip kisses his girlfriend after performances, Poor Phineas, Sickfic, bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 14:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waistcoat35/pseuds/Waistcoat35
Summary: Barnum's sick and insists on trying to perform while ill - he has to prove he's still needed, after all.





	Blinded By The Lights

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed after watching the film that I don't think Barnum actually apologises for shutting the others out to the gala/ballroom, and I'm still kinda mad at him for it although I love him, so I decided to write a fix-it which became a sickfic as well as one in which he discusses his worries with the others, dominantly Philip and Lettie.  
> DISCLAIMER: I'm aware that the real P.T. Barnum was a huge asshole and this is in no way justifying his actions in real life. This is discussing the actions of the character AS PORTRAYED IN THE FILM. (I'm aware they are very different people, so I'm treating them as separate things.)

The first time it happened, a performance had just ended; happy spectators were filing out of the tent, some calling out their approval as they left. P.T. Barnum granted each one a smile, a nod, a tip of the hat. He could see Philip from the corner of his eye conversing with Anne. Very enthusiastically. With his lips.

Shaking his head with a wry grin, Phineas turned to congratulate the other performers - and suddenly, a wave of dizziness hit him. He blinked rapidly, stumbling backwards as he groped for something to support himself with. His hand found flesh beneath an embroidered red and gold jacket, and as he regained his balance (with the help of a steadying hand) he realised that it was Philip watching him with concern.

"You alright there, Barnum?" He stared at his partner for a moment, before shaking himself to his senses, righting himself.   
"Oh - yes, fine, thank you Phil. Oh look, Charity and the girls are here!" and with that, he made his escape and went to greet his wife. The girls ran to meet him, immediately leaping at him before he'd even taken his jacket off.

"Daddy!" He winced at the squeals, muscles aching unexpectedly from the added weight. Nevertheless, he enveloped his daughters in a hug and greeted them both with a kiss to their foreheads, meeting Charity's gaze steadily as he did so.

"Phin, are you alright?" He nodded with a grin. "Fine, darling.

* * *

  
He was most definitely not fine. Phineas' head was throbbing as he walked to work, biting back a hiss with each step he took. But he had a job to do; the show must go on, indeed.

As he walked in, forcing out a pained smile and greeting to each of his staff and dodging Philip's concerned enquiries, he began to regret coming in today. Oh well - they needed him, after all.

Or... Did they? They'd don't just fine without him before, when... When he'd shut them out of the gala. Shut them away from him. Perhaps they'd be best off without him now.

He was shaken from his musings by the flash of the lights, Philip elbowing him to get going for the show. He lurched forward into an uneasy shadow of his usual showman's stride, trying not to squint at the bright lights. His eyes were burning and his nose was beginning to become blocked up. As he strode onstage, his throat felt dryer with each note he sang. He fu,bled for his footing on each beat of the - uncomfortably loud - music.

After almost bumping into and toppling the Irish Giant, Phineas decided to buckle down harder and try to concentrate on the show. This was his show, he couldn't afford to mess anything up. If he wasn't even a decent ringleader, what did they even need him for? Come to think of it, Philip was doing brilliantly as his stand-in. It was Philip's money that had paid to save them. He hadn't abandoned them. Phineas had.

The light directly above him shone onto him - as his eyes met it, a splitting pain tore through his skull. He registered alarmed cries that he was only vaguely aware if, as he toppled backwards and everything sank into blissful, blissful darkness.

"-eas? Phineas?" He gave a low groan, unwilling to open his eyes lest the pain return as it had in - the show!   
"BARNUM!" He jolted, shooting us quickly enough to almost headbutt Lettie, instead hitting a faceful of beard as pain lanced through him and he gave a low keening sound.

"The show - what-" Another pair of arms lowered him down again from behind. He vaguely registered that he'd been lying on some burlap sacking.

"Relax, Phineas. We cut the show short, said you weren't feeling too good. Nobody minded - we gave a 20 percent refund on tickets since we didn't finish." His eyes widened in dismay.  
"We can't afford that, you didn't have to - Philip, you, you could've gone on in my place!"

The younger man crossed his arms. "What,and leave you out cold by the ringside? You scared us all half to death, Barnum."

"You could've ... Could've gone on without me. Y'don't need - need me." He must've hit his head in the fall down. Why was he confessing this to them?

Philip's face swan into view again. "What're you talking about, old man? Of course we need you. Where's all this come from?

"You're a better man th'n me, Phil. Y'saved us all. Stuck with the others when I got up and left. I messed things up, not - not you." A hand was gently placed over his mouth.

"Ah, ah, ah. None of that stuff, Phin. You started this. You saved us too. You saved me. Where d'you think I'd be without you? Dead's the most likely answer to that."

"Nope. M'st likely writing another play, with a nice inheritance stored up, and a family."

The other man scowled at him. "I'm literally part of the greatest show on earth. I have another family here. A better one, even - that includes you,by the way.What more could I even want? Don't talk like this, Barnum, you've got to be sick to be churning out all this trash. Why did you even come in today?"

His voice was slurring slightly now, from the fatigue and nausea. "Wanted to be useful, still. Gotta be a - a - good ringleader, that's it. G'tta contribute somethin'." Everybody looked at him as though he'd gone mad. He felt like he just might have.

It was Lettie who voiced their thoughts, covering his hand and giving his shoulder a gentle pat. "We need you anyway, Barnum. You started this - because you cared. Not anybody else. Not even Philip - he didn't think of this, didn't know we were there - though he's done an awful lot for us. You started this family, Barnum, you damn well better not disown yourself from it."

"B't the... Gala. I-"   
"Closed the doors. We know. But we got back up again. It hurt, but we got back up and we did it again. It felt too different without you two, though." She gave a smirk. "Besides, I think we cashed that cheque in. We completely stormed the place, despite what you did."

Philip joined her, then. "You aren't the only one to have gotten cold feet. To have pushed people away." He looked shamefaced as Anne squeezed his hand. "You know how I made Anne feel. I'm not better than you, Phineas. We're both just men. I mean, you're a waaaay older man, but still." His lips quicker upwards.

Phineas looked up, the lost spark in his eyes reigniting somewhat. "I... Thank you. This is still more than I deserve, I believe. But thank you. That - it means a lot to me. And I'm - I'm sorry for everything I did. I swear to you that I've changed." He cleared his dry throat, almost frantic in his promises - he was blinking to dispel something other than dizziness this time.

"Barnum. We know. We've known for ages - you're a good man, we didn't think you meant it once you'd come back. Once you'd come back to us and tried to help. You gave us this in the first place, you weren't about to ditch us for good over some singer!"

They all crowded around him, smiling and patting him on the back or the shoulder.

"Th... Thank you."

"No problem. Now, let's get you home and in bed - we can't have you getting sick like this. You're our friend - our showman. The greatest one we've got.


End file.
